Wednesday, January 5, 2011

YSST: Life, Moods, Mortality...

When I was a kid, the thought of death, even at 100 years, was horrifying. Immortality was the way to go.

Curiously, scarily, I've felt so world-weary in recent years that I've begun to see how immortality would be a huge curse. Age doesn't feel as upsetting (I'm less young, less pretty!) but like an accomplishment- good for me, I got this far.

I don't crave death, but I don't entirely fear it either. This makes me sad and scared of my own mind.

(Today's post is the epitome of things you shouldn't say.)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

YSST: One of the best things about the holidays was...


... I inexplicably had a recurring sex fantasy about a vague memory of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend that tried to hit on me like over two years ago at a pub, but who chickened out of really committing to his pick up line, blushed, clammed up and let his married friend crack jokes with my drunk a$$ until I stumbled off to the dance floor to swing my hips to Missy Elliot and promptly forgot everything except for the fact that some nice-enough dudes had totally been paying attention to me that night.

Why is this interesting? Because thinking about sex is fun, dudes.
Why that guy? No idea. Roll with it.

Everything else about Christmas was good too.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

'Beautifully Different' (oh. come. on.)




Prompt: Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.

Well, well, well... aren't we going out of our way to be positive and practice self-love today.

You may tell from my snarkiness that it's not the head space I'm in at the moment, HOWEVER, that's probably exactly why I should blog riiiiiight about now.

1.) I'm really comfortable talking about the scary, ugly parts of life. Like, to the point that I have to be careful that I'm judging my audience well, because I'll quite naturally barrel into a full blown discussion of the rapes in the Congo... and you know what? There's a lot of people who just don't want to go there with me. Not better, not worse, but certainly different.

2.) God, this is way harder than I excepted.

2.) Okay, I need another try at #2.... I went to post-secondary? That doesn't sound different, but it's important to remember that the greater majority of the population doesn't have that privilege, and I'm a lucky bumpkin.

3.) I seem to make humorous stories about the otherwise mundane. (So I'm told. I'm really relying on outside information for that one.)

4.) I rock at traveling solo. No all-inclusive resort, no back-packing buddy, I got this. (All though the other options sound fun too!)

5.) I kick bum at making new friends of the same sex. (Hey, some people struggle with that, right? Credit where credit's due.)

6.) I am very passionate about the super serious things I do at work- I know that not everyone has the benefit of that kind of driving force in their life. Gratitude, yo.

7.) I'm a big time over-thinker. This is both a strength and major hindrance in life.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

COMMUNITY

Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

I've found community in my hometown (City #1); a community I always knew I loved but wasn't able to nurture, or at least continue to establish myself in, until I moved home. It was a fantastic choice. (See prompt three.)

I've also found community within my profession; I'm fortunate enough to belong to a group of people who do super serious things, but feel a great passion for their work and are for the most part quite warm and supportive of each other.

I've found community in old friendships revisited, in a city that was always waiting for me (City #3!) with open arms... I just had to walk into them.

Where do I seek community? I'd like to be more active, more outdoorsy- I'd like a group of people who go outside and make adventures together. Whether these are new friends, or old friends with a purpose, that would make me happy. However I've talked about my aspirations for physical health before, and that hasn't really happened. ;)

I also have this fascination with a neighboring state specifically because it has always struck me as a place where a sense of community flourishes. I'm fairly in love with it, actually, despite having only visited it once. I'm terrified to actually go live there in case it would ruin the fantasy. Maybe it's better left untouched. However I would love to learn more and experience more of that place, and meet the people that make it what it is.

More Ketchup Please!

Prompt: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

I MADE PIE!

Not just any pie, but just-like-grandma-did, true-to-my-roots Apple Pie.
It involves...

Apples (Farmers market, massive bag... $4.00. I win.)
Flour
BUTTER
Sugar Cinnamin

It will basically grow you a new butt cheek if you eat it. It's amazing. The roommates approve.

What do I want to make? So many things, the list is exhausting. I am a maker... or at the very least, a dreamer of making...

My list of things I aspire to make...

26 different paintings (i have ideas)
WINE
Pickled Carrots
Furniture (just in general... woodworking intrigues me)
A maxi dress
Purses out of repurposed leather
Tattoos (ambitious, but life is dull without ambition)
Murals
Music with a banjo
Fire (in a fire pit, don't get panicky)

Just a few. :) This is a fantastic prompt. I may have to revisit this.


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

December 5Let Go.

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?


It's bed time, so let's make this snappy. I may come back and edit this into something more substantial later. For now it's going to be an indulgent run on sentence. Or a really long list of naval gazing.

I let go of the idea of what I thought I had to be to be good enough for him.

I let go of City #2.

(Which was part of what I thought I had to be to be good enough for him.)

I [almost entirely] let go of wanting to be good enough for him.

I let go of feeling like my exes were worth their trouble.

I let go of what I thought I had to be to be good enough for everytone else. A little bit. (You know what? I HATE apartments, I HATE living too far from my family and I think that many trendy big cities are too impressed with themselves, and that injures their capacity for actual community.)

I let go of my libido. This is not a good thing. I miss it a lot.

I let go of both of them. It hasn't been easy, and I'm embarrassed that it's been hard.


Those are the biggies. I will think of more.