YSST: Life, Moods, Mortality...

When I was a kid, the thought of death, even at 100 years, was horrifying. Immortality was the way to go.

Curiously, scarily, I've felt so world-weary in recent years that I've begun to see how immortality would be a huge curse. Age doesn't feel as upsetting (I'm less young, less pretty!) but like an accomplishment- good for me, I got this far.

I don't crave death, but I don't entirely fear it either. This makes me sad and scared of my own mind.

(Today's post is the epitome of things you shouldn't say.)

YSST: One of the best things about the holidays was...

(Source)

... I inexplicably had a recurring sex fantasy about a vague memory of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend that tried to hit on me like over two years ago at a pub, but who chickened out of really committing to his pick up line, blushed, clammed up and let his married friend crack jokes with my drunk a$$ until I stumbled off to the dance floor to swing my hips to Missy Elliot and promptly forgot everything except for the fact that some nice-enough dudes had totally been paying attention to me that night.

Why is this interesting? Because thinking about sex is fun, dudes.

Why that guy? No idea. Roll with it.

Everything else about Christmas was good too.

YSST: Various and Random

1.) I'm really attracted to good calves.

2.) When I look at many of my friends, I have bum envy.

3.) There's a certain plastic surgery I lust after, but will probably never get. (It has nothing to do with my bum or calves though.)

4.) I think I'm over my ex!I (I can't tell my real-world people though, because if I'm not quite yet I don't want to sound the trumpet too soon.)

5.) I think all I really want is the simple life. With occasional international adventures, a miniature donkey and maybe a good vietnamese/japanese/ethiopian restaurant nearby.

YSST: I love weddings

Not exactly rife with controversy, but in my circles it seems to be a daring thing to say.

We, the-hip-and-educated, don't love weddings.

Weddings have an ugly history of oppressing and objectifying women.

Weddings are narcissistic, naval-gazing rituals of opulence.

Weddings are expensive.

Weddings creative monstrous perfectionists out of normally laid-back women (and men.)

There's a grain of truth in everything I've just said, and I've probably argued all of the above to others at one point or another. (Most likely during my first undergraduate experience, when I first truly got to know my good friend Feminism. More on that later.)

However, I can honestly say that I have thoroughly enjoyed and loved 93.482% of the weddings I've attended in my day. (And I've been attending them frequently since birth, so that's a very impressive and completely legitimate statistic.)

Reasons I love weddings:

1.) Weddings bring people together.

2.) More specifically, weddings give people who love each other a reason to travel obscene distances just to remind themselves that they love each other.

3.) Weddings are communal. (Weddings help to build and sustain community! I sound like a pamphlet, but I really feel this way.)

4.) At weddings, I DANCE!

5.) Weddings are true inter-generational parties. (I dance with grandma's and babies all at once!)

6.) Weddings are a beautiful practice in optimism and positive thinking. (Why look at the black clouds of life when the silver linings ARE RIGHT IN YOUR FACE?!?!)

7.) I always make new friends at weddings. (This is my favorite hobby by far.)

Even at the most awkward weddings, people stand up for the requisite speeches and appreciate each other. For some people, this is trite and annoying... and to them I say, suck it up, I'm having a good time.

YSST: I think Julia Roberts is sort of annoying

I know, I know, it's not exactly a deep personal confession from the deepest recesses of my heart...

.... but seriously, has she ever played a new character? As in distinguishable from the last?

(no. she has not.)

Even when she played Erin Brokovich, it was pretty much Julia Roberts with a questionable wardrobe throwing Roberts-esque temper tantrums.

Which leads me to feel that she's just a collection of facial expressions and some nice teeth. (Really, really nice teeth. Kudos on the teeth.)

That being said, I can't act my way out of .....

I'm not sure how to finish that expression.

YSST: Uniforms are so f***ing sexy.

It's true! You know it's true.

Yet I never want to admit it, as though somehow it makes me weak. Or worse, a naughty-fraudulent feminist. Just like in high school you didn't want to admit that football players/hockey players/volleyball players/basketball players... really any boy who participated in some sort of competitive, organized sport had an added appeal.

You know, because, I'm just soooo above that. My sex drive just has to be more refined. I can only get turned on by intellect, ambition, worldliness...

(To be fair, those are all turn-ons of mine too...)

But you know what? In an of themselves, it's not enough. Are you a driven brainiac who's travelled to 10+ countries? That's so sweet; let's be friends and talk all the time, text like crazy but never even cuddle.

Why? I want your mind and not your body, buddy.

And I feel bad about that, because you seem really nice and like you probably deserve my attentions more than that last guy... but the more I try to convince myself to "just get over it" and have a somewhat-sexy-party with you... the more I'm convinced that celibacy ain't half bad, because if I'm celibate there's still technically a chance that somewhere in the future I'll be dating a super-smart, well travelled, kind dude who happens to look frahking hot in a uniform.

I'd really like to include, like, 42 pictures of shirtless firemen right now, but I'm still not sure about law surrounding use of images so we'll have to use our imaginations.

That is all.

-Paisley